Thanksgiving, in Egypt, is nothing but a heightened version of a regular 3ozouma, right?
You can always count on finding these characters at every 3ozouma to make your time a little more interesting.
1. The Life Goals Couple:
The fact that these couples actually live and breathe is enough to make you feel like you have accomplished absolutely nothing in your life. Early marriage gone perfect! They have the world’s best children, who attend at Egypt’s best private school (NIS akeed). They live in a villa that could house a small village, and have a fleet of cars that can rival Uber or Careem. Oh! and they also look like celebrities. Mashaallah, you guys, no envy here, we’re just pointing it out. Goals.
2. The “Laser Eye” Auntie:
“Your hair got soooooo much longer!” That’s it. That’s all it takes. The woman has superpowers! Go hide in the bathroom for the rest of the evening.
Of course, you instantly start praying that your whole head of hair doesn’t fall out. Yes, we all have that one aunt that has evil eyes for days and doesn’t even know it. Don’t worry, though, your mom knows exactly what to do. Within 5 minutes, she’ll be throwing salt around you and telling you to jump over incense. You’re okay. Mom’s got this.
3. The Photographer:
Nope, the horror selfies never end. This person will take a picture of everything, which is fine until you’re home and find yourself tagged in 119 pictures on Facebook that are all either blurry, unfocused, or straight up ugly as sin!
4. The Funny Uncle:
You know the one I’m talking about. He’s the only reason you actually go to these 3ozoumas to begin with.
The minute he steps in, you know you’re saved. He’s a combination of DJ, clown, and everything in between. He was your parents’ childhood best friend and is currently yours. Initiator of the giggles and winner of the funniest moment of the night. Where comedy is concerned, the man has style!
5. The Too-Cool-For-School Cousin:
This cousin comes to the 3ozoumas because their mom dragged their butt to the car. Oh, and because they want to go out the following night and can’t afford to pick a fight with Mom and Dad. Gotta make them happy so that they can be free. Of course, the only words on their lips through the entire night is, “God, I just want to go home.”
6. The OCD Planner (a.k.a. not actually the host):
This is probably the host’s third or fourth cousin, but acts like they own the place. They spend the night making sure every single thing is perfect. You know, stuff like: the food is served hot, everyone has a chair, there are enough forks and spoons; they know CPR, the Heimlich, and how to make an emergency salad in under 10 minutes.
This person makes you dizzy with anxiety from all the running around in circles, but you know in your heart they are the superhero of the night.
7. The Photo bomb:
They do their best to jump into any picture. Seriously, it’s like a challenge! “I can’t miss a shot!”, but it doesn’t stop there. They are agile and versatile and have a natural talent of jumping into any conversation (no matter how personal) that is going on. They will babysit the kids (and ask them about everything going on with their parents), and chat with all the grandpas about politics.
You can bet your bottom ta3reefa that if they are not fully engaged in a conversation, they’re scoping out the crowd for better one to jump into.
They are everywhere, all the time! And though it kills you to admit it, this clone-like multi-tasker has saved you from not one but multiple awkward conversations.
As hard as it is to get through a 3ozouma evening, you end up having a blast every time and you are always thankful for the family you were blessed with… and the food! Oh, the amazing food! That’s the real highlight of all 3ozoumas.